The morning sky was a beautiful peachy pink with swirling clouds, a large patch of blue sky opened up and the clouds formed to make an amazing deer head. Its antlers were perfectly formed and it was as if it was peaking its head above the clouds and looking at me. Was this a sign I pondered?
That day I went to view a house to buy in a rural location on the outskirts of the city I live in. It did not mention in the ad for the house but when I entered the property I noticed that it was right in the middle of a deer farm. Interesting. Did the deer I saw this morning in the cloud mean I was meant to buy this property?
I had been contemplating moving to the country for a while but this was the first property we had actually looked at. It was a beautiful property but there were lots of things about it that didn’t tick some of my boxes and I was feeling unsure about the move to the country. My husband was mad keen on buying it but I didn’t feel the same. It got me wondering about the best way to make decisions like this.
If someone had asked me what to do in this situation I most likely would have replied with something like “Does it feel right for you? What is your gut feeling about it? This is often what I do when I make decisions.
However, I have been contemplating where is it that our intuition comes from. For us to trust our intuition we need to know that it is coming from a part of us that is healthy and able to drive good instincts – from an undamaged heart space. Most of us from childhood have been conditioned away from our base sense of heart direction. We felt disapproval from others, we felt rejected, disappointed, let down when we acted from our heart spaces. Lively and joyously creatively playing we were told to be quiet. We were told that following our passions would mean we would not be paid well. This created fear in us. Fear to follow our heart’s desire. I believe that our intuition and gut feelings are influenced by this fear base and conditioning.
In this house example, I would have said that my gut feeling was not to buy the house. I sat with this in meditation and thought about what was driving this feeling. My mind was flooded with reasons not to move to the country – it’s too far to drive, the kids will be unhappy, it’s so much work, it’s isolating and the house will be cold and wet. It dawned on me that these thoughts were all the exact things my mother had said to me when I was discussing the move to the country.
I still think using your intuition and gut feeling is a great barometer for if a decision is right. I have walked into houses before and knew within a minute we would live there. However, I do think that when you have mixed feelings about something, doubt creeps in, you keep questioning it, it is good to contemplate for a while.
I am committed to daily working on healing my fear base, sitting in meditation, and asking for my limiting beliefs and soul wounds to be revealed to me so they can be healed and released. I believe this daily work will mean that my intuition will be more and more driven by love and my highest good and less from a base of fear. I was given some advice to write down after each session like this what I was feeling and what was revealed to me, 1 or 2 pages, which will help to process the unconscious fears.
I still haven’t made a decision about the house. If it’s meant for us, it will be there when we are ready or an even better one will come up.
What do you think about the deer? Was that a sign?