So I find myself on the couch of a therapist crying and telling her I want to be a spiritual healer. If you had asked me then what I meant by that I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. What I had was a sense that I was meant to be walking down a different path which involved spirituality and some sort of healing gifts that came from that journey.
I had been to an energy healer with my son when he was around 6 years old as he was having trouble sleeping and said he kept seeing floating orbs. I had thought about making an appointment with him before I saw my therapist. In the first session with my therapist when I was trying to explain to her what I meant by spiritual healer, she said to me that she knew of someone who had come to her house for an energy clearing and maybe I could contact him. Guess what, it was the same guy. The synchronicities were beginning.
I called him to make an appointment and despite his weeks long waiting list someone had just cancelled so he could see me the next day. I had some idea of what to expect from my previous encounters with him but was a little bit unsure about what I was going to say or what would happen. I was struggling with anxiety, relationship with my husband, generally feeling lost in life so there were lots of issues and I was unsure where to start.
He was a very personable man and I felt at ease with him. He asked me why I had come and I said I just felt like I had some decisions to make about my life but got no further before he stopped me and said I know why you are here. He quickly and insightfully was then able to discern what was happening in my relationship with my husband without me bringing it up. He gave me some advice around taking responsibility and what was required from me to improve things.
During the conversation he did stop and let me know that an older women had just appeared over my left shoulder and he said it was my Mum’s mum – my Nana. He said she was shy and didn’t want to say too much but said that she loved this old film reel that was made of me when I was very young learning to walk and wearing large nappies ( I checked in with Mum afterwards and this does exist). My Nana had passed when I was 6 years old so I only have very distant memories of her. He let me know that she had been guiding me my whole life and I didn’t need to feel alone for she was here to help me. He suggested that I try and connect with her just before I go to bed or ask her questions in my head and see if I could discern her presence.
I didn’t really know what to think of this information. While I was open to the possibility I hadn’t had any awareness of her being with me. I wouldn’t have even been able to say at this point what I thought happened to you when you die or wondered if it was even a possibility that she could be here with me. It did remind me of a prophecy when I was in my church days that also said that someone who had passed in my family line was close to me and praying for me.
The healing part of the session began where I lay down on a massage table and then the healer asked me to imagine a light entering my body and then with my eyes closed I sensed him waving his hands over my body and he was directing dense energies to leave my body and for old heart wounds to be healed. I felt a sensation in my body like it was becoming lighter but it wasn’t particularly profound. After the healing he looked in my eyes and said that my pupils had become dilated and were very large which meant I had been given a gift from the universe.
That week I pondered what it meant to have my Nana as a spirit guide. I wondered why she was with me, was she also with my sisters? I played around with talking to her in my head but really had a lot of doubt and just not much faith in my ability to do that. I didn’t feel like I was getting much response but it did give me some sort of comfort knowing she could be there, watching over me. It got me thinking about – What would it be like to have a spirit guide that you could converse with? Do they just talk to you in your head or do you actually hear their voices? My curiosity was also opening to what actually happened to people when they die, something I hadn’t spent much timing thinking about.
During this time I continued to put time into mediating when I could. It was bringing me a sense of peace and I felt like I would find answers there. I was using guided mediations which I found useful to keep me embedded in the meditation and was enjoying the visualization part of them. During a meditation I had my hands on my lap in front of me and then I could remember and sense the sensation of what my Nana’s hands felt like, as if she was holding my hands. It took me by surprise at first but as I sat with this presence I began to have a lot of memories of times with Nana and I also could start to remember the smell of her. It was enough for me to confirm that she was there with me.
Slowly my eyes were beginning to open to the spiritual side of life. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone about this experience, apart from my therapist. I was still trying to figure out what it all meant for myself and wasn’t ready to share that with anyone – it felt like a very sacred part of me that needed to be protected. Plus I felt like people wouldn’t understand and would judge me as a crazy woo woo. I felt a deep hunger inside of me to know more and to experience more. I also was already beginning to feel more peace in my life, my anxiety had gone and I was a lot more calm in my reactions to life situations.
But where did I go to find more? who was I meant to talk to?
I believe now I was guided again by my spirit guides. I had remembered seeing a post on a local facebook group with someone offering chakra balancing or similar sort of healing, I found that post and checked out the page. On that page the person had written that they had just completed a reiki training and were praising her and recommending her. I had been considering if reiki was the training that I would do next and so I went to look at the trainers page. I immediately felt my heart racing and such a strong sense that I needed to speak with this women – Natali Brown.
I called her up as she was offering free chat sessions to get a sense of who she was. I immediately felt a connection with her. I explained that I was feeling a bit lost in my life and was looking for some direction. I booked in for what she called a soul reading and soul alignment session. At this point I am still not even knowing what any of this really means. I did feel though that if I didn’t just book in and pay for the session as soon as I got off the call with her – chances are my fears and doubts would have won and I would have pushed this aside and never gone.
As I reflect back on this part of my journey (which is probably happening over a 6 week period) I can see now how my intuition was guiding me. I knew I wanted to be a spiritual healer but I didn’t know what that meant or how to get there. The therapist I saw happened to be very intuitive herself and so when she suggested the same spiritual healer I was already thinking of it felt like a sign. Following I felt encouraged by what this healer was able to discern about my life and offer me practical advice and bring a sense of calm back to me. I was beginning to learn to trust the ‘just do it feeling’ and not to thinking about it too much with my logical mind. That meant that when I found Natali I was beginning to have confidence is this feeling. I am continuing on in another post about my experiences in this sessions.
If you find yourself wondering if you too have a spiritual path you haven’t explored then I encourage you to simply shut your eyes and ask the universe “I want to know who I am and why I am here”. No need to over think it . If you are unsure that the universe is even possible of listening – just pretend it is. That is all it takes, a little opening on your side. Then wait and trust that when you feel prompted to read a book or book a session with someone – just do it. Don’t stop and question or let your logic take over.